~ click image to make biggerer ~
Here are a couple I wrote. The first is more traditional.
awash
waves crash and burn
along the coast of heart’s thin walls
waves crash and burn
so much to learn
from sorrow, ache, more danger calls
to bring us out of closed off halls
waves crash and burn
ere
she heard an air
of perpetual emotion
she heard an heir
so bold and fair
express his inner devotion
but couldn’t abide the notion
she heard an err
ha. i like your play in the refrain on the second one....hmm i might have to give that a try...i like the refrain in the first...the thought of waves burning is a cool contrast...oy and i wish that was not how we had to learn you know...smiles.
ReplyDeleteIt was fun to play with the homonyms.
DeleteYou've certainly played with the form - with great success. I enjoyed both of these :-)
ReplyDeleteIt was hard but fun.
DeleteWaves crash and burn! Wonderful! I saw waves crash over pouring Lava, then burn with light awesome sight evokef by your magic words. You are a true poet, V
ReplyDeleteAloha
I would love to see something like that.
Deleteso cool how you altered the refrain in the second one... love it.
ReplyDeletethe first two lines of the first one are amazing... so beautiful
(and i don't really know why i commented in reverse... heh.)
Lovely comments in any order.
DeleteThat beautiful flowers with petals ... delicate, precious picture!
ReplyDeleteMy hydrangeas are a great favorite.
DeleteLike the rhythm and sentiment of the first, the fun of the second. Good job.
ReplyDeleteI definitely had fun with the concept of the second one.
DeleteGood work on both ~ I like the refrain of waves crash and burn ~ In the second one, I think its cool you experimented with the form ~
ReplyDeleteThis whole experiment was fun.
DeleteWaves crash and burn--wonderful. The images that phrase conjures! I like the second also for its playfulness, and that fact that I keep thinking of another "e(y)re"--Jane.
ReplyDeleteWell done!
Oh, I like your other eyre. Jane's a favorite.
DeleteTwo? Showing off are we? Love them both, especially the first one.
ReplyDeleteJust call me an overachiever. :)
DeleteThat first one reminds me of the narrow passage between Charybdis and Scylla--there are many dangers on the journey to true love. And all I could think of for the second was: bag-of-wind! Excellent work, loved them both.
ReplyDeleteI like the allusions you had.
DeleteThese are both very good. The second one is extremely clever...with the 'err' and 'heir.'
ReplyDeleteI've always been fascinated by homonyms.
DeleteAh, what does an heir know anyway? It's no mistake. Really.
ReplyDeleteWe will give up this game ere too long.
Delete..wonderful experimental vibe Vanessa... both refreshed my mind with your chuck full rondelets... smiles...
ReplyDeleteTrying something new and different is refreshing.
DeleteBeautiful picture, and I really resonate with the first poem.
ReplyDeleteThe first was inspired by a line I remembered from Andrew Greeley in one of his books. "Life is hard."
DeleteI loved your play with the homophones in the second.
ReplyDeleteMe, too.
Deletealong the coast of heart's thin walls...this is wonderful...yeah...the waves can crash hard sometimes but make us stronger in the process...
ReplyDelete...like working our muscles.
Delete...super on both poems...really like the refrain "waves crash and burn"..I can take that a couple ways and it still works.
ReplyDeleteA lot of people like that line. It sort of feels right.
DeleteWaves crash and burn -- burnt themselves into my consciousness. I shall remember that rodelet - lovely!
ReplyDeleteThe burn is unexpected but somehow rings true.
DeleteVanessa, I love the experimentation with the form; finding the ways to say what we wish to express. These are wonderful representations of Rondelet.
ReplyDeleteIt was hard finding rhymes that worked and still made some sense.
Deletelove this in the first one - along the coast of heart’s thin walls..
ReplyDeleteand love the play on words in the second..
i wanted to try that play as well.. but could not when i tried..:)
It wasn't easy. I almost quit.
DeleteLove your play on words. :-)
ReplyDeleteIt was lots of fun.
DeleteOh wow your rondelets totally blow mine out of the water haha, absolutely gorgeous!
ReplyDeleteThe new prompt is up btw =)
I played this morning.
DeleteI like the repetition of first one. Thanks for your comment on my horsetails!
ReplyDeleteThose were very cool plants.
Delete