if you could fly
fly high above the trees and
you could look down
you would see the canopy
of leaves in hunter emerald
and lime
hiding the pretty little bird
sitting a speckled egg
in a nest
on a branch
connected to the trunk
that goes to the roots
where i buried your body
* * *
i wrote this last night as i was falling asleep
i didn't get up to write it in my notebook
i wanted to see if i would remember it
it's based on a children's song
that my 82 year old father
has been singing to his
offspring unto the 3rd generation
my father is having difficulty remembering
but he is still able to pass this on
Now that's what I call an ending. Nice one.
ReplyDeleteI've always thought bodies were under the roots of trees.
DeleteVanessa Kilmer...
ReplyDeleteRemind me to TRY and stay on your good side.
(You DO have a good side?)
Loved your Cold-Blooded 55
Thanks for playing, thanks for besmirching my feminine side, and please have a Kick Ass Week-End....
(The G stands for Gooey)
Gotta love a man who can handle the woman in himself. :)
Deleteoh my...what a close on this...wonder if they are looking down on that...or looking up from the roots eh? smiles...heh...nice nessa.
ReplyDeleteLike astral projection and watching yourself.
DeleteI love the slap at the end--a perfect last line, and so many fairy tales and old rhymes do that--mingle the picturesque and pretty with the completely grim. You definitely captured the feel of an old song or nursery rhyme. Enjoyed it much.
ReplyDeleteGot to have mean and nasties in the children's stories.
DeleteThis is outstanding!
ReplyDeleteThanks.
DeleteFrom lots of color to an image of the darkest dark...great surprise ending.
ReplyDeleteOh, I like that idea.
DeleteYou lulled me into thinking this was going to be some sweet, treehugger piece until that last line - SMACK upside the head! That's so great!
ReplyDeleteMission accomplished. :)
DeleteOh - this was neat. Totally unexpected! Love that this is still being shared and that he still remembers it.
ReplyDeleteLoved this 55, Vanessa!
We need to keep his brain working.
DeleteI love the contrast, starting out with all that beauty and then the sneaky end. I guess if he cant fly, he didn't make it as an angel.
ReplyDeleteI think he was jealous.
DeleteSuch a pretty little spring/summer poem until we get to the end. Nice.
ReplyDeleteThe weather this week was depressing.
DeleteI do like a poem that clicks shut -- and this one double-locked. Splendid!
ReplyDeleteLike the click of a firing pin.
DeleteI've been thinking about my own mortality lately. On one hand, I'm not afraid of dying. I've had far too much of depression and in many ways I'd welcome death. On the other hand, I'm having trouble with the loss that comes with becoming "the older generation." My mother's recent operation has forced me to confront this, and I'm not enjoying it.
ReplyDeleteI'm not afraid of dying, either. I am afraid of certain ways of dying but that's different.
DeleteBoth of my parents are having memory problems. That's scaring me.
Oh that's funny - I read it as sweet, the idea of a loved one buried near a beautiful old tree. Then I read the comments!
ReplyDeleteIt could go either way, with a nudge here and there.
DeleteI'm thinking of using it as a jump off for several flash fiction stories. Start with one basic idea and write it 4 or 5 different ways.
DeleteI am so impressed that you remembered it the way you did! Makes it all the more special (and it really is a special 55)!
ReplyDeleteI couldn't believe I remembered it myself.
DeleteDefinitely worthy to remember.
ReplyDeleteMemorable is a good thing.
DeleteTwisted. Very nice. I'm glad I decided to check back on the 55's I missed :)
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you decided to visit, too.
DeleteIt has a dreamy feel .. I like it... Well done
ReplyDeleteI picture myself laying in the grass and looking up.
Delete