I selfishly prayed for my brother’s return, unabashedly asking God to take care of him, not to the exclusion of others (after all, God is perfectly capable of multi-tasking) but selfish because I don’t think I could take it and then the others pushed into my consciousness and the emotions log-jammed in my throat, tears burning my eyes, blood rushing to my cheeks – how will these poor people deal with the devastation – how will it ever be bearable – how will they ever move on – and the guilt swamped me and I knew that was selfish too but I hoped my soul would receive understanding so that I could move on and perhaps do something constructive for all of the voices calling out to loved ones who could no longer hear.
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Merry Meet and Blessed Be
Nessa, I am so thankful that your brother is safe. The people of Japan show a quite strenght with extreme grace. I think perhaps they will show us what grace looks like in the face of tragedy.
ReplyDeleteThey are so willing to help others before themselves. No rioting or stealing of wares, no setting fires like some of our survivors here in the states.
I am glad that you are writing your book.
A subject in so many minds at the moment. A tragedy.
ReplyDeletei feel this one...i dont know that your selfishness is bad...we hope as many as can are still alive...
ReplyDeleteI took the time to thank God that I am not suffering a personal loss due to the Tsunami. I think it is part of being human to think of ourselves first -- it is how long we dwell on ourselves without reaching out to others that makes the difference.
ReplyDeleteI don't think that kind of selfish is a bad thing. You can't be all things to all people. You have to start with those who are close.
ReplyDelete"perhaps do something constructive for all of the voices calling out to loved ones who could no longer hear"....such a strong and poignant line.
ReplyDeleteI think we can be thankful for our current well-being while our thoughts are so full of those suffering from such devastation.
It's not selfish to pray for your brother's safety. It's normal. Of course you did. And of course that came before expanding your prayer for safety to others. I had a brother who drowned, and it's not a loss I'd wish on anyone. We are wired to first think of our loved ones and then, assuming we are decent people (as I know you are) to also grieve and hope for our wider family.
ReplyDeleteYou love who you love and that love reaches into your heart and makes it wider to encompass the others until you are one big ball of love.
ReplyDeleteYou are.
Not selfish.
I am praying and connect with you in Peace.... loving kindness. May there be peace.
ReplyDeleteॐ शांति ॐ
Om Shanti Om
May peace be… pray for People of Japan
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http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com/2011/03/whispers-love-and-insignificance.html
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There's nothing selfish about being scared for family. Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteAll is fair in love, Ness... But yes, guilt continues to hound us at times.. But like you said, I am sure God will understand...
ReplyDeleteAnd I am really glad and relieved that your brother is safe...
Peace to you, my dear...
xoxo
I admire you that you find the energy and the courage to write such a thoughtful piece about the tragic fate of so many...
ReplyDeleteIt effects me so much I can not even think about it and no longer bear to watch the news..
Beautiful and poignant.
xoxo