Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of an ice cream cone to prevent ice cream drips.
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it, anyway!
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix. Keeps in the pantry for up to a year.
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
Go to the bakery! Hell, they'll even decorate it for you!
If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant 'fix-me-up.'
If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad. Please recite with me the real woman's motto: 'I made it, you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes!'
Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks..
Celery? Never heard of it!
Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust, so I don't.
Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink! All your pains go away!
Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
Leftover wine??????? HELLO!!!!!!
Lastly, if you don't forward this to 1 of your friends within the next 5 minutes, your belly button will unscrew and your butt will fall off.
Play Weekend Funnies and help spread the laughter.
Hosted by Gattina @ Writers Cramps
Created by Shakira @ You Are Never Alone
Maxine all the way. LOL This is too funny :) I added a site pal to my site :) LOL Too funny. I should have put it up for weekend funnies :)
ReplyDeletehehe. love this...maxine rocks it all the way
ReplyDeleteMaxine, definitely. Even if Martha has some good idea there is no happiness to be had in her approach. Leftover wine? How can that even happen?
ReplyDeleteMaxine, definitely. Even if Martha has some good idea there is no happiness to be had in her approach. Leftover wine? How can that even happen?
ReplyDeleteThis was as fun as it was educational.;))
ReplyDeletexo
daring and cool joke!
ReplyDeleteThom: I love Maxine. She’s very wise. I have to find this site pal of which you speak. I know not what it is.
ReplyDeleteBrian Miller: Maxine does rock – back and forth in her chair.
secret agent woman: Leftover wine does not happen in the real world in which we live.
Zuzana: You can learn so much useful information from Maxine. Lots of life lessons.
I'm a little bit afraid of Martha Stewart, but I'd be glad to share a glass of wine and a piece of pie with Maxine.
ReplyDeleteI loved this.
Oh Nessa, thanks for showing this! I've seen it before, but it's been a long time, and gosh...who could ever tire of it?! :)
ReplyDeleteI think an unscrewed belly button could be very useful...
ReplyDeleteMy butt will fall off? Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you! I've been trying to get rid of it for years.
ReplyDeleteHilarious. I'm something in between leaning more towards Maxine.
ReplyDeleteParticularly like the ending. Another like: No comments moving up to the post.
ReplyDeleteI'm far more a Maxine than a Martha. Unfortunately I'm also far more an Oscar than a Felix. If you saw my house, it would be obvious.
ReplyDeleteI am seriously hoping that threat is accurate. I would so love my butt to fall off!
ReplyDeleteSo funny. I had a good laugh at this.Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteJeanie: Some of Martha’s things are very pretty but she creates unrealistic expectations.
ReplyDeleteBECKY: I’ve seen it several times, too, but truth never goes out of fashion.
Jinksy: I never thought of that – use instead of liposuction.
Alice Audrey: If only it were possible.
colleen: Maxine is way more comfortable.
Doug: I live to bring you joy. :)
Blooming Psycho: Yeah, you and me both.
quilly: If we culd invent something like that we’d be millionaires. Oh, yeah, that’s plastic surgery.
Eden: I am glad you enjoyed.
This was magnificent. (And I might even use a few of those tips from Martha to help her self-esteem.) :)
ReplyDeleteYou just gotta love Maxine!
ReplyDelete<><
Cherie: Martha's life is a lesson in not giving up.
ReplyDeleteNoe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades.: Maxine tells it like it is.
I've just read through a good lot of your blog and I can't stop laughing, your delightful, soo funny and a real pleasure to visit :o)
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ReplyDeleteDeborah: Thanks. I am glad you enjoyed.
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