News Flash Friday

In a rare show of solidarity and intelligence, the United States government has unanimously voted to change the 4th of July holiday to Independence Day and designate its celebration date as the first Monday of every July.

“We know that we are breaking with tradition by making such a smart decision,” says a Congressman who would only speak on a pay-as-you-go cell phone so as not to be identified, “but it really wasn’t our idea.”

“We received a letter from Lindy Lou from Idaho making the suggestion,” said a page between his paging duties.

“We wouldn’t normally pay attention to someone too young to vote and from such a backward area of the country to boot but her letter brought us hardened politico types to tears.”

After reading LL’s letter and wiping the dew from this reporter’s eye, the situation has become clear.

You see, Little Lou Lou suffers from an ailment that makes her wear her hair in tight pigtails. This causes all of the blood in her head to go to her scalp, thereby depriving her brain of oxygen. She normally only gets a good idea once or twice a year because of her disease. She figured this was one of them and wanted it acted upon before all of her brain cells died. She thought our governmental representatives would understand her predicament intimately. Lucky Lindy struck a chord with those hardened old codgers in Washington DC.

“We all know what it’s like to be brain dead, but this poor girl has been afflicted at an unnatural age, so we wanted to lift her spirits,” said a Representative who couldn’t remember his name for this interview. “Her deformity is so heart-breaking we enacted this new law before most of us realized we all agreed.” He shook his head in wonder. “I can guarantee this won’t ever happen again.”

This reporter urges you to write your Congressman, State Representative and Senator to let them know your appreciation for this uncharacteristic show of brilliance. We don’t tell them often enough when they do a good thing.

* * * This just in: The President has vetoed the bill. In a comment overheard by a carpet sweeper, the President is alleged to have said, “We can’t have none of this agreeing b*llsh*t. What would come next, d*mn*t?”