I went out into public at lunch time today. I hate the Pub-lick. The public should be quarantined from me. It really is for their own good. I am not fit for social interaction.
I woke up at three in the morning feeling nauseous. My innards rumbled and gurgled and erupted in assorted ways keeping me awake until the alarm jangled my nerves. Rain poured from the heavens so I couldn’t take my morning constitutional. My head ached. I did manage a shower, which my co-workers will appreciate, but the effort to please them, drained me.
As soon as I walked through the office door, people started complaining about each other. They think because I don’t say anything I’m a good listener. They don’t know I go on mini-vacations when they speak to me. I allow my primitive brain to protect me from danger by waking me up when a response is needed.
None of the timecards were ready for payroll. I searched around the office, gathering them up so I wouldn’t have heart failure as the afternoon’s deadline approached. And I still felt like crap. My gills cringed like I ate a lemon. I shook with the chills. My dizziness had nothing to do with my hair color. My eyes crossed periodically as they do when I’m over tired.
So what do I do to make my misery complete? I went to the mall on my lunch break looking for a cake pan in the shape of a man. Well, do ya think there is any such thing? No. Now, I’m really cranky. I pulled out of the parking lot to go back to the office and I got cut off by this little chippy in a blue sports car that sounded like my lawn mower. I don’t drive a big fancy car. I have a little ole’ Cavalier, but it’s a five speed and I know how to use it. I can’t be beat from a dead stop up to about fifty. I kept up with her just enough so that she had to move into the lane to my left and then she got stuck behind another car at the red light and I turned into a disgusting wacko driver. I pulled along side her at the light and pointed at her and laughed. My only excuse is that I was wearing my sign that said, “Insane Bitch, Keep Away.”
Some days, I wish I didn't have to walk past a whole group of people just to get to my desk. I'd rather sneak in without anyone noticing me.
ReplyDeleteAs for the cakepan, how soon do you need it? If soon, you could always go with a gingerbread cake pan... if you don't need it right away, do a search for "novelty cake pans." You'd be surprised what you'll find.
LOL Nessa! Terrorising chippies on the road? Sounds like fun. You should get together with my brother...he terrorises cars on the road as well (just after they've done something rude like tailgated him)
ReplyDeleteDon't worry the chemicals swirling around in your brain are normal - it will pass and you will wake up the sweetest so and so around like tomorrow.
I feel like offering the song, "Bad Day."
ReplyDeleteBut then I realized, that planting that song in your head would make it a worse day. Ooops, sorry.
OOoOoooo
ReplyDeleteI want a couple o of those signs, I know some people who need them!
:-p
heh, this one cracked me up. nice, v.
ReplyDeleteDCMM: I have a month to find a cake pan, but I don't think they make them in a gingerbread man shape. I may have to go with individual sizes.
ReplyDeleteJenn: I feel better now, but for a while I was one of thore Road Rage Maniacs that I can't stand.
Guggs: Nothing could have made this day any worse.
Logo: I have several you can borrow.
Fury: Made me laugh, too, after the fact.