Good Times

We had our little going away party at a local pub last night. There were eight of us. We are all professional drinkers and since we were out we knew that food was needed to blunt the effects of the alcohol. We all were driving so we knew we needed to be responsible drunks.

We ordered a huge plate of Nachos, 20 Hot and Honey Wings, 20 Mild Wings, Hot Crab and Cheese Dip with toast rounds, Hot Spinach and Artichoke Cheese Dip with tortilla chips, seasoned fries with cheese sauce and a basket of Batter Dipped Fried Onion Rings. We ate it all.

The gay Heineken sailor and his two Heineken tartlets came by our table (I’m not judging. Everyone deserves to earn a living.) He didn’t stay long because we harassed the shit out of him. He was toasted, too. We got free Heineken bottle light up pins. One of our party put one pin over each nipple and we took a picture but I can’t show you because she’s shy. A good time was had by all. We all made it home safely.

I shocked my daughter when I told her I had just gotten home from a bar. She told all of her friends, they were shocked, too. I was feeling rosy. My husband went to bed at 8:30pm (we get up at 4:30am.)

I was checking everyone’s blogs one last time for the night, sitting at my kitchen desk, when I heard Niagara Falls coming from somewhere behind me.

“Who the fuck left the bathtub running?”

After going around in circles, I discovered the gushing noises were coming from the basement.

“Oh, my God, we didn’t let Cody out and he’s peeing in the basement. No, that’s stupid, he doesn’t have that much pee in him.”

I can’t find the light switches (we’ve only lived here a month and I’m in a panic.) Finally, I get some lightage. I go downstairs and water is pouring from the basement ceiling. I shove the pool table out of the rain, get some empty plastic drawers from the utility cart to catch the deluge and go to wake the hubby.

He jerks up. I tell him the problem. He rushes barefoot and in his briefs to the basement, cursing the whole way (he’s a proficient curser, just in case you were wondering; very creative in his expletives.) He rips down the tiles from the drop ceiling. Water pours on his head. He slips and falls, hurting his left arm.

The leak is coming from the plastic hose for the refrigerator’s water and ice dispenser. We turned the dispenser on when we moved in. The previous owners had it off because they didn’t drink water (yeah, we’re fuckin’ idiots.) There’s 50 foot of hose, the shut off is all the way across the ceiling and all of my towels are soaked. Hubby pulled the refrigerator away from the wall upstairs in the kitchen and water is squirting everywhere up there. We are yelling and screaming at each other, sliding on the ceramic tiled floors. Finally, at midnight, the water is shut off and everything is mopped up.

Talk about a good time killer.